Intro to Lala

25 Things You Don't Know, Or You Wish You'd Forgotten About Me...

1. I haven't filled out one of these ridiculous things since I was in the 8th grade, swear to God, and I can't believe they still float through cyber space being filled out by people with too much time on their hands (obviously much like you and I)..

2. I was at work while I did most of this, and thusly being paid...which made it more fun.

3. I have many secrets. Some of them are mine, some of them are yours...Some I will reveal when the time is right, some I will reveal when the time is wrong. Some I will never reveal and I will die with them on my soul like dark little tear stains on silk. You wouldn't believe most of them anyway, as they are all stranger than fiction.

4. I have moved around a lot. When I was a child it was due to my parents relocating or divorcing, but as I grew up it just became a great way to indulge my escapist nature. When in doubt, move and change your phone number. Starting fresh is a wonderful thing- however, where ever you go, there you are. And that's what catches up with you inevitably.

5. I have wanted to be an actress for as long as I am capable of remembering and it seems it is my destiny as I have no real skills other than being dangerously charming, a fantastic bullshit artist, and a master of illusion. These traits are phenomenally useful if you want to be a secretary as well...barf.

6. I developed a "serious" drug problem (as opposed to my usual habits..) in the winter of 2003 and into the spring of 2004 which caused me to drop out of college and reevaluate my life. It was a personal meltdown that had been in the making for most of my teen aged existence. I have never returned to college, but recently I've been kicking around the idea of taking Green Medicine classes and becoming an herbalist. Stranger things have happened.

7. Sometimes, when I drink too much, and the moon is against me, I get vicious and I cackle like Satan. Seriously, if any of you got to witness some of my mothers finer moments in alcoholism land, you know EXACTLY the hideous laugh I am talking about. This trait inspires me to drink less... I am not always successful. But I try.

8. Since I just spoke of her, I'll continue here and say that everyday I find I grow more and more like my mother. Some people hate their mothers. Some people hate becoming like their mothers. I've even known some people who hated my mother. But fuck them, I love my mom. I think she's hot shit and I am having a wildly fantastic time flashing our smile and laughing our laugh.

9. I may be a little self centered- BUT- I'm in my 20's and I figure that's how it should be. I also think maybe if everyone was a little more self centered we might be able to take care of ourselves and we wouldn't be a bunch of whiny co-dependents in search of that elusive "something" to make us feel whole. I am a firm believer that if you feel lacking, search yourself, not the world around you Dorothy Gale.....now if only I could take my own advice.

10. I am a sexual deviant. Surprise surprise. I have done things that, A. You can only imagine in your wildest, darkest and most lecherous dreams, and B. Should I ever become truly tabloid famous, I will only be able to explain away those photos with a devilish grin and a coy shrug of the shoulders.

11. I can wiggle both my ears, at the same time or individually.

12. Someday when I am old and decaying I will move to Paris and throw things off my balcony at young lovers in the streets while cursing loudly, drinking red wine, smoking unfiltered cigarettes like a fucking chimney, and laughing like Satan. This will make me very happy.

13. If you come to New York City, please be sure of where you are going and how to get there before you leave your hotel. I hate nothing more than people who stop in groups in the middle of the bloody sidewalk to get their bearings. MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY. Do I come to your town and drive on your roads and just stop my car in the middle of traffic while I check my fucking GPS?! NO!!! So there you go. And P.S. Stop staring up at the sky because it makes you an easy mark for pick-pockets and thieves and it makes me want to steal your wallet just to make my fucking point.

14. I curse. Loudly and frequently. I think that colorful language can really make a point when used well.

15. I find Andy Warhol and his ability to emotionally disconnect from people absolutely amazing and worth trying to emulate in the appropriate situations. Sometimes there's no room for hugs and feelings and the I'm-Okay-You're-Okay-Simpering-Sissy-Bullshit.

16. If I seem like a real cunt, it's only because I am guarding my soft, scared, delicate and needy little underbelly. Yes I have one. I just won't let you get close enough to see it.

17. It is a great dream of mine to someday have the funds to host a party and invite everyone I have ever known. I think it would be tons of fun and it would give me chance to catch up with people I haven't seen or spoken to in a very very long time. Also it might give my life some type of greater meaning to see all the people who I have touched, or who have touched me - yes, touched, in a figurative or literal sense- and to have the opportunity to thank them for putting up with my bullshit and loving me for the train wreck that I am.

18. If I were going to change my name, I'd be Deacon Lyle. I think it suits me.

19. I believe giant oversized sunglasses are for everyone.

20. If I saved all the money I spent on cigarettes, whiskey and shoes, by now I'd probably have enough money to throw that party I was talking about in #17.

21. I believe Laughter is our only defense against the Dark Forces of the Universe.

22. I've learned that you can do anything you set your mind to. Figuring out what you want to do is the hard part.

23. The best advice I may ever receive, or pass on, in my life is to "Consistently desire transformation". Thank you Michael Chekhov.

24. The best compliment I ever got was either from John Popper of Blues Traveler who signed a harmonica for me that reads "You Are Beauty", or when Jon Stemmler (who was just a good looking bastard) told me I was "A woman of the century, and that is for real". Word.

25. My role model growing up was, and still is, Jessica Rabbit.